The Chasm
by klynnrhiannon
Summary: Can Richard and Kahlan survive the horrors of what Rahl did to them?  Sequeal to my story Bitter Choices
1. Chapter 1

Chapter1 The Chasm

It had been almost two weeks since we had escaped the clutches of Rahl and we hadn't slowed our pace but kept pushing forward with brisk intent on reuniting with the Resistance. Word had reached us shortly after we had started out after the storm that the Resistance had returned to Hartland. They had gathered other recruits along the way and even the armies of Aydindril had joined in the fight hearing of how the Mother Confessor had been rescued from the clutches of D'Hara. Hartland was only two days ride from Drun, the town which we were stopped in for the night. The Drun river ran alongside the small, quaint town and we had made a small camp at the riverside, staying far from any prying eyes of potential spies.

Grenden, Chase and Lucan had gone into town for supplies and Zedd had left just the day before for Agaden Reach to pay a visit to Shota. Zedd never explained himself when he was determined to visit the witch, knowing of how I disregarded any of her wisdom and my wariness towards prophesy.

Kahlan had withdrawn into herself the night after we had spoken in the wayward pine. She wouldn't speak much more than a "yes" or "no" and she constantly avoided close contact with us even going so far as to move her sleeping blankets far out of reach of any of us. We were alone tonight and I was determined to get her to talk to me. A feeling of dread that would not go away had been my constant companion since the night Kahlan had been raped. I would forever blame myself, no matter how much she had convinced me that night that it wasn't my fault. A shudder of grief ran through me as I watched her trying to light the fire.

"Do you want me to try?" I said coming next to her. She looked up with her hollow, empty gaze and nodded handing me the flint. She quickly stood to get away from me and grabbed her pack and slung it over her shoulder.

"I'm going to the river to wash." She said and turned to leave. I lit the fire as my gaze followed her through the trees. After she disappeared from sight I followed, making sure to not let her see me. There was no way I could let her go anywhere alone, but I couldn't let her know that I was there.

The first night she had begun the ritual of scrubbing herself to a bleeding mess I had dropped my pack, plunging into the frigid waters after her.

"Kahlan! Stop! What are you doing? You're going to rub your skin off like that!"

She had stiffened at the sound of my voice and the water as I plunged quickly through. "Go away, Richard!" She hissed.

I hadn't listened but grabbed the cloth from her hands and flung it up on the riverbank. "What are you doing?" I demanded, grabbing her arms so she would see the blood streaks from her raw skin. "You're hurting yourself!"

She stared at me, shaking with terror "Don't touch me!" she wailed, pulling herself from my grip. "Don't touch me! Please…Richard….don't" she begged, tears streaming down her face. "He won't come off…..I…I…feel him everywhere! And I can't stop him!" She had pushed past me then and I moved to follow her but she whirled around on me, glaring fiercely in anger "Turn around. I don't want you looking at me."

It felt as if she had stabbed me through the heart, but I turned because she had asked me to and so she wouldn't see my tears. I had listened for her movements and waited until I heard her began to walk away. That was the last time she had really spoken to me and I couldn't help but allow my sorrow to overtake me again as I stood at the edge of the river and watched as she scrubbed her skin raw. I felt so helpless every night as I watched her in her silent torment just like the night I had watched Rahl push himself inside of her as I was shackled against her back. I clenched my jaw in animosity and promised myself again and again that he would pay for what he had done to her.

I sat down and leaned my back against a large oak tree and let my emotions run its course as I watched the woman I loved hurt herself. I didn't know what I was going to say to her, but I had to try something. I missed her fiercely but I knew there was nothing I could do. Even so….I would never give up trying.

A long time passed which meant she had had an extra hard time with her pain today. Some nights she would spend more time on abusing herself and this was one of those. When she turned and began to walk up the river bank, my heart clutched in sorrow as I saw where she had made herself bleed. The place between her legs was dripping bloodied water and it made me want to weep forever. Even if I found a way to love her, she would never let me, not after what had happened. I lowered my gaze in shame at my own surging desire at her beauty. No matter how battered and bruised she was, I had still never beheld a woman so beautiful in my whole life.

I quickly got up and hurried to find something to catch for dinner. I easily found two rabbits and a raspberry bush. Gathering the items I made my way back to camp and found Kahlan seated by the fire drying her hair. She glanced up when I came through and scooted back away from the fire when I came close to ready our supper. She watched in silence entranced by the flickering flames. I noticed she had set out some dried bread and potatoes by the pot and I added them to the almost boiling water.

"Rabbit stew…my favorite." I said, forcing a smile in her direction but she seemed not to have heard me and kept her gaze locked on the flames as if I hadn't uttered a word. I continued to talk about nothing in particular, begging the spirits she would speak to me this night. At least no one else was around, I thought. Zedd, Lucan, Grenden and Chase were worried about her state of mind but I had promised Kahlan my silence as to what had happened in D'Hara.

"When I was a boy, my father used to make this for Michael and me. He taught us how to make it just the way our mother used to when she was alive." I continued on with the stories from my childhood hoping to bring Kahlan out of her catatonic like state. I studied her face which was void of emotion but I caught sight of the tears pooled in her eyes.

"Kahlan?" She lifted her eyes to me and the damn broke as tears began to fall down her ivory skin. I wanted so much to take her in my arms but was afraid she would pull away from me. "Please talk to me, Kahlan." I whispered as I dropped the spoon back in the pot.

Her gaze was fixed, tears streaming down her face and then she reached into her boot and pulled out a dagger, holding it to her chest. "Let me die!" she wailed. " I can't do this anymore…..I can't…..no matter what I do….he's still inside of me…and your tears are on my neck, sobbing…and I…I'm so ashamed at how you've seen me…..I wanted to give you what he took…but I never can….not now…not ever….its gone. I'm ruined forever….and I can't stand to look at you knowing that I can never give you what you want…and I…"

"Dear spirits Kahlan, don't do that." I said grasping her wrist with force, causing her to cry out in pain but she was strong and managed to cut herself across the exposed part of her breast before I could wretch the blade from her hand. I tossed her dagger far from reach and clutched her wrists in my hands as she continued to sob. "Why are you doing this?" I pleaded.

Her lower lip quivered with sorrow as she spoke "Because I love you….more than anything…and I just…I want to be yours so badly….but he…he….fucked me, Richard! You were there and you saw him….and I can't stand the way you look at me now…as though I mean nothing to you anymore…"

"What are talking about? Kahlan! You mean _everything _to me! How can you even begin to think…."

"He destroyed me! And he took you away from me…..now you can never love me without thinking of him! Everything we had…he stole from us….don't you get that, Richard? I have nothing to give you that he hasn't already taken…you might still love me….but how can you ever want me after what he did….after what I've done?"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Kahlan. Rahl did this to you….and I promise you….he will pay for it with more than just his life. You know I don't blame you….I told you that. And I mean it. And whatever I need to do to help you through this….I'm here, and I won't leave you, not for anything in this world. And when I love you…in every way, and I will, I won't be able to think of anything but you and how much I love you."

"You shouldn't…" she said shacking her head to emphasize her thoughts "You shouldn't want me. It would destroy your soul….in more ways than one and I could never do that to you."

"You wouldn't destroy me, Kahlan. I love you too much for that to happen."

"What are talking about?"

"I would be with you now…but I know you can't, not when all you can think of is the night that he…." I couldn't stop my voice from cracking and I cried like I did that night when he stole what was most precious to me.

She shoved me away from her and stood, walking with her back to me with slumped shoulders. I jumped up and followed after her, our dinner forgotten and turned her to face me. I saw terror written on her face and the dagger on the ground could have stabbed me then but I wouldn't have felt it. Her pain was mine as if we were already one in body and soul and I wanted so much to help her but I didn't know what to do for her.

"Richard, please….you can't say things like that to me. I love you….I always will…but you can't stay by my side. I'm so afraid of hurting you…and I know I already have because of what I am….what I can't give you….I just…I…"

I stilled her words with a kiss to her forehead and gathered her into my arms pulling her into me until I could feel her beating heart against my chest and held her while she cried. 

"You know I love you, for everything you are and I wouldn't trade any part of you. My soul already belongs to you and everything I am is yours….this….having you in my life means everything to me. Don't you ever send me away….that's the one thing in this world that would destroy me. I'd rather be your slave than be without you."

She clutched my shirt in her fists and pressed her face against my neck as though she were trying to drown into me. "I…I…can't do this anymore…that night won't let me go…and the one thing I wanted the most is gone…."

"What? What's gone, Kahlan." I asked as I held her tight.

She looked down in shame as she stepped back but she still clutched my shirt in her balled up fists. "I'm even afraid of you…touching me. I never thought I'd be afraid of you….but I am" her lip quivered and she still wouldn't look at me "and I'm sorry."

"Shhh….it's all right…I would never….you know that don't you?" my heart clenched and I thought I would collapse with grief. Now it made sense, her not letting me close to her, her screaming when I tried to touch her in the river that night….how could I be so stupid?

She gave a slight nod that anyone else would have missed unless you were really watching. And that was enough for me…to know she at least trusted that I would never hurt her like Rahl had. "Richard…will you sleep with me tonight….and hold me…I….I need you here….with me. The nightmares don't stop….and I'm so afraid….of….losing you because of this…its not that I don't love you anymore…I know I've pushed you away and I…I'm sorry…its not you. I just…" she looked at me then "I miss you…the way things used to be between us before….before you knew what I was…and before Rahl…."

"I'm right here….and I'm not going anywhere…even if you ask me to leave. I promise you…." She collapsed against me again holding to me like a lifeline in the darkness.

That night she let me hold her and when the nightmares came I was with her living them as if they were my horrors too….because they were.


	2. Chapter 2

The Chasm Ch2

We rode in comfortable silence as we reached the boundary dividing Westland from the Midlands. The D'Haran guards paced with authority determined to keep anyone from leaving or coming thorough without their knowledge.

"We'll have to go around through the Shadow pass." Said Chase, resting his hands on the pommel. Kahlan reigned in her horse next to mine gazing apprehensively at the boundary.

"Are you sure it's safe Chase?" She asked worry lacing her voice.

"There are certain risks in everything Kahlan. But this would be the best way to go. Lucan, Grendan, you two scout ahead and clear the way. We can't let Richard or Kahlan be recognized." They turned at once obliging Chase's orders and rode off with determination.

"Good….now we have a chance at some lunch. I'm star..ving." Said Zedd dramatically. Chase and I exchanged knowing glances and rolled our eyes.

"All right Zedd, come on then. You and I can catch something while Kahlan and Richard get a fire going."

Zedd had already dismounted and had sat himself comfortably with his back against a tree. He looked up in shock at Chase appalled that he would even suggest Zedd assist.

"Wizards of the First Order to not hunt game!"

"Wizard or not….you're coming with me if you want to eat." Said Chase, chuckling. He glanced back at us with a wink and Zedd mounted complaining and cursing under his breath. I heard Kahlan laughing behind me and my heart soured at the sound. It had been far too long since she had laughed.

I dismounted and grabbed the reigns to my horse and hers guiding them to a place to graze. Kahlan slid to the ground still laughing slightly and looked over at me catching my eyes with hers. I flashed a wide smile at her conveying my humor at the situation as I grabbed our packs.

"Kahlan?" She locked sparkling eyes with mine in response. "Do all wizards eat like Zedd?"

"Zedd is a rare breed of wizards, Richard." She said through chuckles. "I've never met anyone who could eat so much and always be hungry." She said pulling some flint from her pack as I collected stones to make a fire. We were on much higher ground than the D'Harans and secluded behind a thick amount of forest. From our vantage point we could see nearly the entire wall that stretched past Hartland. We were in the Upper Ven forest on the opposite side of the boundary close to where I had first met Kahlan. A smile crossed my face as I remembered the first time we met. I watched her furrowed eyebrows as she concentrated on lighting the fire and noted she was graceful even in something so simple. Her eyes lit up reflecting the flames when she successfully lit the fire.

To occupy my mind, I quickly set to work chopping of fallen tree limbs and separating logs that lay buried under thick amounts of greenery. The monotonous movements of the swinging of my axe kept darker thoughts at bay. I removed my shirt, annoyed by the humidity of the evening air causing it to stick to my skin and chided myself for not bringing some water to wash off as well. I worked for what seemed a long time, lost in my thoughts that continuously reverted back to Kahlan. Avoiding the thoughts were becoming harder as I tried to push their torment away so I could stay positive and help Kahlan through her demons.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard Grenden and Lucan returning. "Richard…there are only ten men posted at a time. This should be easier than we thought. Lucan climbed a tree and got a glimpse of what looked to be their camp. There are not more than thirty, he says."

Kahlan came to join us, standing close to me so that our shoulders touched. I absentmindedly handed her a few sticks to throw on the fire as we began walking back with Lucan and Grenden, listening to their report. She tossed the sticks to the fire and grabbed a pot and her canteen, emptying the water to boil over the flames.

"I wonder when Zedd and Chase will get back" said Lucan grabbing his pack after dismounting. "I'm going to wash. Anyone care to join me? Kahlan?" He asked teasingly. I saw her stiffen and the colors drain from her face. Lucan was always joking and flirting with any female present but he was harmless. "Aw Kahlan, I'm just teasing." He winked at her. "I don't think I could get past Richard anyways." He jabbed an elbow into my ribs. "Richard, you or Grendan up for a dip in the river?" I shook my head, eyeing Kahlan from the corner of my eye. She had relaxed a little and continued to work. Grenden watched her curiously, his brows knitted together with worry. I knew that he had picked up on her odd behavior of late but he knew well enough to leave her be. "I'll go" he said, glancing back at me with a worried look.

Their voices trailed off as they moved farther into the foliage making their way to the nearby river. "You need any help?" She shook her head but didn't look up at me. "Alright….I'll just let the Mother Confessor herself serve me then." I joked and got shot a small smile, earning the response that I wanted. I arranged my pack against a large tree stump and layed my aching head down. I was conscious of her movements but still able to rest. I must have fallen asleep for a while because a sudden warm hand on my forehead caused me to jerk open my eyes with a start.

"Richard? Are you alright?" I stared into her eyes and she looked so beautiful in the fading sunset that my heart clenched in my chest. Her brow furrowed deeper as she noticed my eyes watering, but she didn't know the reason. I pushed her hair back over her shoulder and gave her a weak smile.

"I'm alright….just a headache, that's all."

"Richard? Don't lie to me….tell me what's wrong." She said caressing my face absentmindedly.

"Nothing…it's just….you're so beautiful and I sometimes forget just how much I love you."

"What?"

"You heard me." I said and reached out to pull her head towards mine, causing our gazes to lock. "I love you." She was so close I could feel her breath on my face and feel the exposed skin of the tops of her breasts pressed against my bare chest. My pulse began to pound with desire and I could hear the blood rushing past my ear drums. I wanted to kiss her but I held the reigns of my passion at bay and settled for giving her a smile instead which she returned. When I heard voices in the distance the moment was broken and she sat back quickly.

"Dinner is served!" Said Zedd boastfully, walking loudly through the leaves. If all the creatures in the forest weren't scampering off in his wake I would be surprised. I wondered to myself how we could move quietly with our company. Kahlan glanced at me and held out her hand helping me sit up. I stood up then, bringing her with me and she locked gazes with me once again, the heat still ignited between us. I was so thrilled to see her desire for me I almost grabbed her and kissed her right there in front of Chase and Zedd but remembered regretfully how detrimental a tongue lashing would be from Zedd….especially considering he had yet to eat.

I sat back against the fallen log next to Richard and half listened to the men around me discuss our plans. We would be staying with Chase and Emma where the resistance camped nearby. I was looking forward to having a bed to sleep in finally and relished in knowing I would be with Richard. He had tried to kiss me…..I couldn't get the moment out of my head. It was sweet and unexpected and as of late, did not make me shudder with fear. I loved that he still desired me and it helped my deep open wounds to disappear for a fleeting moment. I felt safe with his warmth radiating next to me in the cool night air and just his presence kept me from going mad.

I watched him for a moment, making sure no one else was paying attention. Zedd had bounded into another story of Rahl history and everyone was enraptured except for me, who had grown up with too many long boring stifling days at the wizard's keep as a young confessor hearing monotone wizards speak of the same stories.

Richard was carving something out of a small piece of wood and I wondered curiously what it would become. As though he could feel my eyes he glanced up at me and looked at me intently. I held his gaze and willed him to read everything I felt for him. The moment was broken too soon as he looked back to his carving quickly etching off more wood into the small shape that was forming in his hands.

I looked down at the ground and began to fumble with tiny leaves, pulling them from out of the dirt packed ground. The laughter and joyful banter continued for some time, as I lost myself in random thoughts. I noticed when the men began to move things around readying the camp for sleep. I looked up then, seeing Richard staring at me. He motioned with his chin at our place between a few close trees and I followed him.

The rest of our group knew not to impose on Richard and me as we had taken to moving further from everyone at night. We would sleep close to each other, to Zedd's ongoing concern, but he had stopped complaining when Richard had finally went into a rage causing fear and panic in the rest. He was overprotective of me to the point of fury since that night only a few short weeks ago and they knew to leave us be.

"I'm going to wash first Richard." I said grabbing my pack. He grabbed my arm when I walked past him and I frowned, wanting to be alone for the moment.

"I'm going with you."

"Richard….you…you can't" I said, fear lacing through me so quickly I forgot about my desires from earlier as they bled away.

"Yes…I can. I don't want you going alone. And I need to wash too." When he noticed the fear in my eyes, as he always did his voice softened into a whisper "You know me Kahlan….I wouldn't do anything to make you wary of me. I just don't want you going off on your own with so many D'Harans nearby." He said, getting my understanding at once. I let out a breath that I had not known I had been holding and nodded reluctantly. It wasn't Richard who I was afraid of but being exposed in the presence of any man made my blood run cold.

"Alright….but just…I don't want you to….."

"Shhhh…" he took my hands in his gently "I know. I'll only be nearby just in case. And I promise I won't peek." He said winking. I smiled, despite myself.

We walked in comfortable silence to the river. When we arrived, Richard moved to one side of the river and began stripping of his clothing as if I wasn't even there. Curiosity melded me to the ground and I stood watching unable to move as I gazed at him for the first time. He had his back to me, but, dear spirits he was perfect. He stilled his movements and jumped into the river making a loud splashing sound breaking me of my trance like state.

I stripped slowly watching for Richard warily shivering involuntarily at the fear and apprehension I felt. I pushed those feelings down and plunged in after Richard. When I came up to the surface I was met by a playful splash from Richard. He was grinning mischievously as he used his hands to cup more water, flinging it towards me.

I laughed, forgetting about all apprehension and joined in the fight splashing him square in the face as he turned to find me behind him. I took a few steps toward him and gripped him by the shoulders dunking him but he was quick and pulled me with him under the water. When we resurfaced, both of us were breathing heavy from the exertion of our playful battle.

"I won, Seeker." I grinned proud of myself.

"Oh….aren't you the humble one, Mother Confessor." He teased. "We should really do this more often….its fun sparing with you." He winked. "Even if I have to let you win sometimes."

I gasped in feigned shock which caused him to laugh even more. "I was being lenient with you too. Maybe next time I won't be so generous."

"I'd like to see that, Confessor." He turned tossing a wash cloth to me that he had grabbed from the rock he had stashed our washing things on. "Now we should actually wash and get back to camp before Zedd finds us. He would definitely get the wrong idea."

I blushed then, remembering my state of undress that the water only partially hid from him. I swam a few feet away and began to wash as I watched him, making sure I was out of his line of vision. He was done before me and traipsed up the side of the riverbank quickly; wrapping himself in the blanket he brought to dry with. He disappeared into the trees then to dress and I made quick to exit the river before his return.

I was in such a state of forced panic that I slipped momentarily screaming with surprise as I went towards a rockier part of the slope. At once Richard appeared, his sword in hand, ready to attack if need be. He noticed I was slipping and plunged into the water after me grabbing my arm to help pull me back.

"Are you alright? I heard you scream and…" he broke off and instantly dropped my arm and quickly turned but not before I noticed he had stared openly at me for a second. "Kahlan….I'm sorry…do you want me to get your blanket for you?"

"No…I can manage." I said walking up the bank behind him and I quickly grabbed the blanket I had hung up on a branch, wrapping it around me. "Its alright, you can turn around now."

His shoulders relaxed then and he turned grabbing both of our packs and led the way back to camp. He didn't say a word to me but kept giving me nervous glances. When we reached camp I sat down on my bedroll, brushing my hair out with my fingers and watched Richard sit by the fire for a long time. He sat unmoving entranced by the flames and I noticed sorrow etched on his features.

I couldn't ignore my feelings of apprehension and got up then and made my way quietly through camp being careful not to wake anyone. I sat down next to Richard and shared in the silence with him for a while. Just being together was all we needed sometimes but I felt a thick uneasiness permeating from him.

"Richard?"

He gave me a sideways glance and I didn't miss the dried tear stains on his face. The sorrow I saw there made me want to weep and I moved closer to him pressing myself against his side and taking his hand lacing our fingers together. "What's wrong?" I whispered and noticed him stiffen and try to pull his hand from mine but I wouldn't let him.

"Talk to me…please?" I pleaded.

"I can't."

"Yes you can…you can always talk to me."

"Not about this, Kahlan."

I moved in front of him then and gripped his face in my hands. "You're my best friend…my only friend Richard. Don't shut me out." He was shacking his head no and he tried to pull my hands away from his face and I could tell he was holding back tears. "I'm right here Richard. Whatever it is…you can tell me." I pleaded hoping he would let whatever demons that were haunting him loose.

"I can't stop thinking about it Kahlan."

"What Richard?"

"You know what!" he hissed, startling me with his anger. "I try to, but I can't. And today when I saw you" he let his gaze slide down my body making me numb "all I could see were the bruises where he touched you and…." His tears broke free then and he collapsed against me.

"Richard!" I wailed in sorrow for him. How could I be so selfish? All I had thought about was myself and my own hurt. Never did I think he was battling with what had happened. After the night we spoke in the wayward pine, he had never mentioned again at feeling guilty about what had happened. Some confessor I was…the one person I loved the most had lied to me, telling me he was alright when he was battling his demons on his own to try and protect me.

"Why didn't you talk to me? You know I'm always here for you."

"How can I talk to about this, Kahlan? I can't burden you with my pain when you're suffering enough already."

"You're not burdening me! I want you to talk to me….no matter what. Don't try to do this alone, Richard." He looked up through his long wet eyelashes in disbelief. "Don't you dare do this to yourself. It would hurt me more than anything that Rahl could ever do to me for you to suffer because of me."

"It's not because of you, Kahlan." He whispered and ran his fingers through my hair. "I don't want you to have to think about it and I just…I thought that if I didn't tell you how much what happened to you haunted me then you wouldn't hurt as much. I wanted to protect you from those memories."

"You can't do that for me, Richard. No matter what, the memory of that night won't ever go away but I can live through them if I have you by my side. Let me be your strength in the way you're mine."

He nodded "Okay. I'll try….for you."

I could tell he was reluctant but I promised myself that I would have to watch him closer from now on. I stood and offered him my hand which he took. "We should get some sleep."

He shook his head "I'm not tired, you go on. I'll walk you back though."

When we made it to our bedrolls I firmly pushed him down next to me. "You _will _get some rest tonight. The Mother Confessor demands it of you. Besides" I grinned "if you don't sleep I won't be able to. I need you here with me."

He pulled me down to lay next to him and held me close. I could feel the tenseness of his body relax against me and then his breathing slowed and evened out. He was asleep in a matter of minutes and I knew then that I could rest knowing that he was in my arms.


	3. Chapter 3

The Chasm Ch3

The first rays of dawn caused a chill to slice through the air. I shivered and pulled the blanket over my shoulders. Kahlan numbered in her sleep and I smiled, loving the feel of her next to me. I tightened myself against her and she leaned into me reflexively in her sleep.

I could hear Zedd and Chase arguing in the distance about breakfast and cringed thinking of how I didn't want to move from the cocoon of sleep I shared with Kahlan. Closing my eyes I buried my face in her hair and kissed her neck softly.

She tensed slightly and a sharp stab of grief made me let go and move away. Sitting up, I gazed down at her face and noticed her grappling in her sleep with a nightmare. Tenderly stroking her hair away from her face I whispered her name bringing her out of the dream that was tormenting her. In the two weeks since we had escaped D'Hara the nightmares had begun to worsen and intensify to the point where she would awaken two or three times a night. She had slept soundly until this morning but now, as I tried to bring her awake, she struggled against the unseen forces to escape.

When she started to scream I called her name louder, the sound slicing through my chest. Zedd and Chase heard and ran towards us.

"Richard, what's wrong?" Asked Chase, searching the trees for signs of danger and pulling an axe from his waist as he spun around in every direction before settling his gaze on us. Kahlan had waked then, her eyes wide with fear. She began to weep, grabbing for me desperately and clutching my shirt in her fists.

"Dear one!" Exclaimed Zedd as he knelt down in front of her reaching for her shoulder to try and comfort her.

"NO!" She shouted at Zedd slinking away from him. Zedd and Chase exchanged worried glances. Lucan and Grenden ran into the small clutch of trees then still disheveled from sleep with their swords drawn.

"We heard screaming, what happened?" Asked Lucan glancing at Kahlan.

"Everything's fine, she just had a nightmare."

Zedd furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me in disbelief, his gaze changing from one of concern to anger. "Give us a few moments, won't you?" When everyone left but me, Zedd glared, silently conveying that I should leave too. "I need to talk to Kahlan alone, Richard. I think she can speak for herself."

"Zedd?" It was Kahlan who spoke softly. "Whatever you have to say to me, you can say it in front of Richard." She entwined her fingers in mine, holding me tensely as if I was her lifeline.

"Fine then…." Zedd turned to Kahlan, ignoring me "Mother Confessor, you continue to shirk your duties and compromise the protection of the Seeker." Her blue eyes grew wide with terror and she let go of my hand pushing it away from her. I drew a breath ready to defend her but Zedd continued without giving me the chance. "Do you realize a confessor can slip into the Con Dar while in the grips of a nightmare?" The color drained from Kahlan's face and her whole body stiffened at his words, her hands shaking and clutching the fabric of her skirt. "I know you will do what is required of you, Kahlan, and put Richard's soul first before your feelings. I can't imagine what it was like for at D'Hara but nothing that you endured there could even begin to compare with the loss of Richard. You can't continue with this…delusion of the two of you. You know that it cannot be….it's your destiny to _protect _Richard, not choose him. Are we clear?"

She sat still as stone, her gaze fixed on nothing and I noticed her face erase all emotion. "Good. Now that we're finished here….we should get going." Zedd stood up and brushed his robes free of forest dirt and turned to leave.

I grabbed his arm in a crushing grip and spun him to face me. "How _dare_ you! You have no idea what you've just done."

"She's strong Richard….but not enough to forget her feelings for you. I have to do this, or you'll lose everything! Your mission is far too important to risk. You must forget about her in the way you want. I tried to tell you over and over….but you won't listen. I hope Kahlan will. She was raised knowing her duty and accepts it for what it is, but not when you try to convince her of false hope. You need to stop pushing her, Richard. She needs you to let go because she hasn't the strength to do so herself. I had to talk some sense into her. Whatever happened in D'Hara to cause her to stumble in her good judgment she must deal with on her own. She has the look of a confessor who almost hit the release of the Con Dar and she wasn't even aware she had done it."

Fury like nothing I had ever experienced flooded through me. I gripped the hilt of my sword and drew more anger from the magic and pointed the sharp edge against his neck. I shook with the power of my rage almost unaware of what I was doing and cursed Zedd with words I had never before uttered in my life. "You have no idea what happened in D'Hara…what he did to her! You're just like him! You care for nothing but your stupid prophesies…and are using both of us as your wicked pawns to get what you want. Well I don't care about any of it anymore. To the Keeper with prophecy and with you!" I screamed and made to slice him through but strong hands gripped around me from behind and slammed me to the ground. It was Chase and his shock and anger at me drew some of the fury that had exploded back down. Grenden grabbed the sword and handed it off to Lucan who stood mesmerized by the whole scene.

"What in the name of the Spirits…?" asked Chase.

I searched the surroundings for Kahlan but she was gone and I struggled with all my might to lift Chase off of me but Grenden and Lucan helped him when they saw me trying to break free. "Let me up! I have to find Kahlan." They eased up but Chase placed a strong hand on my shoulder to steady me. Everyone was looking at me with confusion. "Richard, what happened? You nearly sliced Zedd through with the sword! What were you thinking? This isn't like you at all."

"Where's Kahlan?" I asked ignoring their questions about my attack on Zedd. As far as I was concerned, none of it mattered anymore. I managed to stand up then, shoving Chase's hand away roughly. I walked over to where Kahlan and I had slept, gathering our things quickly and shoving them into my pack. Noticing Kahlan's things were missing, I hurried to find her tracks and followed them without speaking to anyone. Chase stopped me and Zedd followed close behind but kept his distance.

"Richard…..please…."

"I don't want to talk to either of you right now; I just want to find Kahlan. We'll meet you at your house in a few days, Chase. Don't worry about us; we can handle it on our own."

Chase grabbed me by the collar "You can't go alone with Kahlan! Are you out of your mind? You know very well that Rahl is looking for both of you. If they recognize you then….."

"Don't you think I already know that? We can figure it out on our own. It doesn't matter that Kahlan went off alone?" I asked in frustration "She's in more danger than I am right now if they find her."

"You're wrong, Richard. Rahl wants you dead….the only reason he would capture Kahlan is to get to you."

"He's not going to touch her….ever again! Not while there's life left in me. I said shoving past Chase, who let me go. I turned to glance back once but they stood gaping at me unmoving and let me be on my way after Kahlan. Not caring what they thought, I moved quickly to catch up with Kahlan.

"What's gotten into him? I've never seen him like this Zedd."

"Something changed after D'Hara….in both of them. I don't know what happened but whatever it is….it's destroying him. The magic from the sword….he's allowing it to overpower him. If he's not careful he will turn into a monster…just like the last Seeker did. We must help him, Chase. And we can't allow Kahlan to interfere with this any longer. I had to talk some sense into her but I don't think Richard will survive if she were to leave us now. Chase…" he said turning to the boundary warden "promise me that you will help me keep them separated for now. I'm afraid Kahlan is allowing herself too close to Richard. Even if she doesn't mean to… she's in danger of releasing her powers against him because of her love for him. The Mother Confessor has lost her sense of judgment…and we must put a stop to this before it's too late." He stopped and stared off at where Richard had just disappeared. "She had the look of a confessor who almost hit the release of the Con Dar and she wasn't even aware she had done it." He turned back to Chase "We must get to the bottom of this."

"I'll do what I can to help you, Zedd. You know I will." He clapped a strong hand on Chase's shoulder as they made their way back to camp to gather their things. Lucan and Grenden had already finished packing everything and were ready to mount up when Zedd and Chase returned. They seated themselves in their saddles, securing Richard and Kahlan's horse to theirs and cantered off in the direction of the boundary where they had planned the night before to cross through. It was a different route that was unknown to the D'Harans, Chase had explained, and offered the best way of entering Westland without being detected.

I walked on through the forest, making my way to the passage through the boundary. Going alone was dangerous but I had no choice. Even if I was lost to the Underworld I would welcome that above hurting Richard with my powers. Chiding myself, I wrapped my arms across my stomach holding in the wrenching sobs. They flowed freely in a twisted soothing ache and I allowed them to overtake my being. Alone, I was able to think of what I had done and pushed through my sorrow until I saw Richard again. There would be no letting down my guard and I was, even now, doing everything I could to close away my feelings for him.

Zedd was right, how could I claim to protect him when I constantly let my guard down, making it dangerous for Richard. If I had confessed him in the throes of my nightmare….

"Kahlan!" I halted my steps and turned to the sound of his voice close by. I immediately ducked off the path I had been following and sprinted though the underbrush as fast as I could. I ran and ran, allowing branches to scrape my skin as I went. The further I went into the woods, the less I knew of my direction but I didn't want to stop. But, after running for some time I began to weary, my sides burning with the exertion and my breathing coming in breathless pants. Coming to a wayward pine, I ducked in for a rest, landing breathless on my hands and knees. I knew I wouldn't be able to hide from Richard but I couldn't move. I was in pain from the run and the racking sobs had also taken a toll on my energy. Leaning back against the tree I listened for any sound of Richard. My eyes drifted shut and I fought to stay awake but when sleep came I surrendered.

It was useless….she couldn't hide from me. Averting a woods guide was impossible and she knew this but still she had tried to elude me. It was quite obvious, the flattened underbrush and slightly bent branches of a wayward pine was evidence enough of her hiding place. I crept closer, softly calling her name but pushed through the branches when I didn't hear her answer.

My heart broke when I found her lying curled up tightly with tear stains on her face. She was dirty and her dress had ripped in her obvious flight from camp. I didn't want to wake her so I sat, watching her sleep as the rays of the early morning sun peeked through the trees to dry the dew and moisture from the air. She shivered in her sleep and I pulled off my shirt, placing it over her shoulders gently. Her eyes opened slightly, parted into slits and she pulled away from me quickly and sat up brushing her hair off her face.

"Kahlan….."

"You should go; Richard….it's too dangerous to be near me."

"No….its not. I know what Zedd said and it doesn't matter. I don't care what he says about us. He can't…."

"Richard…" she hissed angrily "You don't understand. He's right; I could have lost control and confessed you! How….I could never live with myself if that happened."

"You're not going to confess me…"

"There's nothing, _nothing _that I could have done to prevent the release of my powers; if you hadn't woken me when you did…..this would be a very different conversation right now. One that I never, ever want to have with you. I couldn't bear the thought of you as my slave, Richard. I would gladly endure what Rahl has done to me a thousand times over if it meant that I couldn't hurt you" She said, her hand gently pressed against my chest running a slow sweet caress across my bare skin. I grabbed her hand before the passion inside me took over and held her gaze with mine for a long time.

She didn't let go and I was pleasantly surprised when she leaned her forehead against my shoulder and kissed my neck. Finally she broke her silence "I love you Richard Cypher and I won't leave you until the mission is over and Rahl is dead. But I can't constantly be a danger to you." She sat back and looked at me sorrowfully. "When you're with me I..." she blushed and looked down at the ground, smoothing out stubborn wrinkles in her skirt to avoid my gaze. "…can't hold on to my powers as strong as I should. They slip sometimes and I feel them threatening to break….especially when you kiss me."

I lifted her chin so she would look me in the eye. "I won't kiss you, if that's what you want…but I won't stop holding you when you need me. We can separate our bed rolls if that's what you need….but I'm not leaving your side."

A flash of pain crossed her eyes but she hid it quickly behind her confessor's mask. "I never said I don't want you to kiss me." A small tear escaped the corner of her eye and I smoothed it out with my thumb spreading the moist drop across her cheek. "But Zedd's right….we have to distance ourselves. Your fate is far more important than any feelings we may have…I cannot endanger you."

I nodded feigning that I was listening…all I had heard was her admitting she wanted me to kiss her again. It made my heart sour and my whole body surge with joy at hearing her desire for me….

"Richard?" she asked pulling me from my thoughts.

"Hmmmm? What did you ask…I'm sorry, I just got distracted?" She narrowed her eyes and read me like an open book, the way confessor's do.

"We should get going and find Zedd and the others. Crossing the boundary alone is dangerous…we need all the help we can get."

"Before we go, I should tell you something." I took a deep shaking breath fearing she would be afraid of me when I told her what had happened. "Kahlan…I…I raised the sword to Zedd back at camp….I was so angry for the way he treated you and …..I would have…if Chase, Grenden and Lucan hadn't been there…." I hung my head in shame not wanting to see her judgment of me but I didn't receive her reprimand. Instead she took me in her arms, giving me her strength and understanding.

"Talk to him, Richard…he loves you. He knows what happens when you pull from the magic of the sword. Maybe he can help you." She said as she caressed the back of my neck soothingly.

"What if he doesn't trust me anymore….what if he wants to name a new Seeker because I can't handle the rage and then….he wants to separate us, Kahlan. I cannot bear it." The anger began to surge a new at the thought of him taking Kahlan from me. But she gripped my shoulders with firmness not of the woman I loved but of the Mother Confessor.

"Stop it, Richard…don't let the magic destroy you…you can control it. Zedd won't name a new Seeker, I would never support it and I'm the only living Confessor left alive…he has no choice. Let me talk to him when we meet back up….remember, I grew up with wizards…he's just being irrational right now because of his love or you."

"How can you always make sense of things….I'm supposed to be the Seeker not you." I grinned. She stood then and offered me a hand up.

"That's why the Seeker needs his Confessor." She grinned even though I saw the sorrow had not washed away. "And….why a confessor needs her Seeker." She blushed and I leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead.

"We should get moving and catch them on the trail. I know a way that's quicker and we can make it to the boundary first. Hopefully they haven't veered from the path looking for us…Chase isn't as good as me at tracking."

Her eyebrow shot up in disbelief and we both laughed as we moved out of the wayward pine. I grabbed her hand in mine wanting to touch her as much as possible before we were with Zedd again. We both knew that our journey would be different after what had happened that morning. I just hoped Zedd would be able to trust us again.


End file.
